Choosing and Working With a Virtual Assistant When You Have ADHD or AuDHD

Prefer to listen? Your phone or computer can read this page aloud. Here's how

Hiring a virtual assistant sounds like the answer. Then come the choosing, the briefing, and the worry that you will spend more time managing someone than you save.

If you run a business with an ADHD or AuDHD brain, those worries are fair. They are also fixable. This post covers how to choose someone, how to hand work over safely, and how to work together week to week.

If you are still deciding whether to delegate at all, start with my post on delegating with ADHD. For the wider view, see my guide to running a business with ADHD.

Start with what kind of help you need

Not all assistants do the same job. Broadly, there are three kinds of help:

• Someone who takes tasks off your plate, such as your inbox, diary, invoices and data entry.
• Someone who builds systems, setting up how things run so they keep running.
• Someone who sits with you while you do the thing you keep putting off, like a body double.

Before you look for anyone, write a list. Note the tasks that drain you, the ones you avoid for weeks, and the ones that keep falling through the cracks. Business admin is the obvious place to start, but personal admin counts too, like booking appointments or cancelling subscriptions.

What to look for

Credentials matter less than how someone works with you. These are worth looking for:

• Clear, quick replies. You need to know a message has landed.
• Adaptability. Your priorities will change, and your briefs will not always be tidy.
• Comfort with voice notes. Being able to talk a task through and have someone turn it into a plan is a big help.
• Reliability. Do they do what they said, when they said?
• An understanding of ADHD or AuDHD, if you can find it. It helps, though it matters less than the points above.
• Familiarity with the tools you already use, such as your email, calendar, accounting software or project board. If they need to learn them, agree up front who pays for that time. Hours spent getting up to speed are hours you are not getting work done.

Check the professional basics

Virtual assistance is not regulated by law, so anyone can call themselves a virtual assistant. A few simple questions help.

• Do they belong to a professional body? It is not a legal requirement, but ask what membership involves, such as a code of conduct, training or a complaints process. It is a sign they take the work seriously. It is not a guarantee.
• Do they have insurance? Ask whether they carry professional indemnity, which covers mistakes that cost you money, and cover for data problems. Ask to see the certificate.
• How do they look after your clients’ information? Ask them to put it in writing.

Someone who is happy to answer these questions plainly is usually a good sign. Someone who avoids them is worth thinking about.

Try them before you commit

Long interviews can mislead you. A short paid trial tells you far more. Give your top choice a week or two on real, everyday tasks: sorting a messy inbox, arranging a meeting, organising a folder of files.

Watch how they ask questions, and how they cope when your instructions are vague. Notice how it feels to work with them. You may need to try more than one person, and that is normal.

Notice how quickly they pick up your tools, and whether the first week is spent on real work or on training.

Hand things over in stages

You do not have to give someone access to everything on day one. Start with one task, and share only what that task needs.

• Use a password manager, rather than sending passwords in messages.
• Ask for a link to approve a purchase, rather than handing over your card.

You can widen access as trust builds.

Working together week to week

A few habits make the difference:

• Brief by voice or a short video. Talking is faster than writing for many ADHD brains, and it gives them more to work from.
• Keep one place for messages and tasks. Two is already too many.
• Meet briefly at the same time every week. It settles the worry that things are not happening, without you hovering.
• Say what “done” looks like for each task.
• Hand over a whole area, such as your diary or your invoicing, rather than scattered one-off jobs.
• Give feedback quickly and plainly. It is kinder to both of you than letting small things build up.

Think of it as a clear working relationship, not just giving orders.

A step up: the Online Business Manager

A virtual assistant does the tasks you give them. An Online Business Manager has a bigger brief. They look after parts of the business itself: keeping projects moving, managing other contractors, building the systems and making sure things get finished. Your job becomes making decisions and setting direction.

This kind of help goes by several names, including online business manager, operations specialist and implementer. Look at what they actually do, not just the job title.

An OBM may suit you better when the bottleneck is not individual tasks, but keeping lots of things moving at once. For many ADHD business owners, that is where projects start well and then stall.

There are trade-offs. An OBM usually costs more, takes a real handover of decisions, and still needs you to share your vision and approve the big choices. You might start with a virtual assistant and add this later, once you know what you want to hand over.

“I have dealt with years of admin, started working with a remote PA, and now have a more structured approach to life. I no longer believe that I am just hopeless at everyday life.”

Mike, Business Owner & Creative Entrepreneur

Where it goes wrong

• Handing over too much at once.
• A vague brief, and then blaming yourself when the result is not what you pictured.
• No regular check-in, so you slowly take the task back.
• No written agreement about what they can see and do.
• Judging someone on one slip, instead of how they put it right.

Getting the support around it

This is the kind of thing we work on together in coaching for business owners: working out what to hand over, and building a way of working that keeps it handed over. If your business could pay for that, see how coaching through your business works.rnrnNot sure where your business is leaking the most energy? The ADHD Entrepreneur Chaos Audit is a good place to start.

Frequently asked questions

About Linda Fox

Linda is an ICF-ACC credentialled adult ADHD coach (ADHD Life & Business Coach, CALC), with lived experience of ADHD herself. She has been coaching adults with ADHD since 2000, one of the very first specialist ADHD coaches in the UK.

She works with entrepreneurs, legal and medical professionals, and others navigating demanding careers, helping them build practical strategies that fit how their brain actually works rather than fighting against it.

UK-based, supporting clients with ADHD and AuDHD worldwide on Zoom.

Read more about Linda →